Words of our SATGURUMA JI to a TATri Devotee about a traumatic experience:
MATAJI:
I read you. (Mataji answers in private written chat).
TATri DEVOTEE:
I experienced disgust, anguish ... I felt and reached the orgasm, but since then, until today that I am 45 years old, orgasm is a disgusting pleasure. Intimately, I asked God to heal me from this, indeed, for a while ... I focused on healing this, not precisely as a couple.
MATAJI:
My love, it's like that, between 3 and 5 years old, it is natural for a child to discover his sexuality and erogenous zones, Naturally ALONE! Without external interference!
Only self discovering his body and its sensations. What parents should do at this time is to guide him that this is his privacy and that everything that is covered by his underware, no one, except himself, in his privacy or in his toilet, should or can touch. Not Even mom and dad, once the baby learns to clean himself, must touch it. It is strictly his privacy. On the other hand, what you describe to me about this experience between siblings in the adolescence and puberty phase is the most natural and ordinary thing! However, very few speak it out of modesty or guilt. This is also why, when I talk about sexuality and children, I explain directly to parents and guardians, not to leave children or siblings of different ages together. So that it does not end in a "violation" of privacy even without perverse intention, but the exploration and manifestation of natural and age-appropriate development and libido. In all ages we go through a degree and a level of expression of sexuality. So if we join two stages VERY FAR FROM ANOTHER in their possibility of understanding and comprehending it, relationships and conflicts can be generated and can end in almost eternal traumas and even, almost insurmountable for many!
And what most traumatizes the mind is having felt pleasure (orgasm) in a not allowed relationship even if it was not intentional!
So the being feels guilty for having enjoyed something that for the mind and society is abominable and many self-punish for life!
This is what surely happens to you, my love.
In the same way, now that you know that you did not do anything BAD, and more, neither did your brother, as you were adolescent and pubescent children, 11 and 15... 16 years... and more by the time you tell me about!
By this time parents were abounded with ignorance! So let go and be in peace!
It was just a natural process of child and human development.
There is nothing to feel bad about. But yes, you do not need to talk about this with third parties, outside of therapy, because not all minds are ready to accompany you in this!
Since many are in the same situation! And it would only be to expose your brother and family ties unnecessarily.
What has happened to you is natural to happen when there is no proper guidance or containment from the adults in charge! That is different when AN ADULT violates the privacy of an infant or even a pubescent or adolescent. This would already be a crime. Of the major. And even if the child, pubescent or adolescent had felt pleasure, he would not be guilty either. Even though, he is still a victim of the situation.
In the same way, here today, whatever happened to you, it is already in the PAST as the word itself says.
Now the only thing that remains is the life that you are, as a possibility, my love! Honor it! Nothing else!
Be happy and grateful to live without needing anything that you do not carry inside!
You'll be fine! Blessings my love.
TATri DEVOTEE:
Thanks Mataji, I imagined something like that, that disgust, that moment of awareness of enjoying something forbidden.
The thing is , that I overcome many things in my life, and this... is very much the same.
I remain with the confidence that I will be fine. And if not, to keep observing
Although… for a while… feeling, observing, I was wishing and for some moment it was different.
MATAJI:
It is like This my love!
TATri DEVOTEE:
but... nothing comes back
In you I trust Mataji
I'm better from everything Little by little
Jai Ma, Jai Ady Sakthi Ma
MATAJI:
Yes my love.
You are much better.
TATri DEVOTEE:
In front of me, It uncovered a little.
And it is difficult to explain the anguish, that this was generating.
Thanks Mataji.
Om TATri Om
Jai ma
How lucky I am, an Avatar who talks about Sexuality my Godddddd Jai Ma!
MATAJI:
There is a section in the TATri magazines, that fragments of Satsang are shared. Is it possible to share part of this dialogue of ours with your expression and resolution, to help others who have lived the same as you?
OBVIOUSLY, without revealing your identity! It will never be said who you are or where you are from.
TATri DEVOTEE:
Yes Mataji, while I was writing I thought the same.
